Woman reaches 30 and notices a shift in the way her long-time friends act towards friendships in general: ‘In a years time you won’t miss not being in bed by a certain time but have memories and pictures from a night out with your mates!’

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Aug 6, 2026 8:00 AM EDT

Being thirty is the new excuse

Some people are treating their thirties like they were their fifties; I really don't get it. I'm not against an early night; I never was and never will be, but is it really that we're more tired, or have we gotten more proactive in rejecting plans we never actually wanted to do in the first place? 

As I get older, I haven't necessarily noticed a shift in my energy levels, but I have noticed a shift in my attitude towards unnecessary night outings. Also, responsibilities are way harder to keep up with; one poor night of sleep can generate a domino effect on an already fragile adult life. Poor sleep results in low work energy, which creates poor food decisions, which then lead to poor sleep again, and the cycle continues. 

However, this Redditor's story could also be something happening specifically to her that she's failing to interpret correctly. Could it be that being thirty is just an excuse and the underlying motive for the cancellations and lack of motivation to keep the friendship is only a lack of motivation? Either way, OP needs to stop fighting reality and find friends who are available ASAP.

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  • Life in my 30s - all of my friends have turned into lazy, cannot-be-bothered, insufferable people

    The majority of my friends. have turned insufferable I literally do not know what is in the air or water these days but a huge chunk of my friends have turned
    via No_Director_2992
  • insufferable. I'm in my late 30s and have sustained friendships for 10, 15, 20 years with these people, but MY GOD has the quality of these friendships have dipped
    via No_Director_2992
  • massively! Not because I'm not putting in the effort but because everyone all of a sudden has zero interest in maintaining friendships.
    via No_Director_2992
  • three friends hanging out outdoors
    via Blake Wisz

    The friends before they turned 30

    Subjects are models

  • Here are few "pearls" I have noticed: \- I am always the first to reach out, organise an outing, even if it's something small like a walk in a park or a cinema night
    via No_Director_2992
  • - Most times I have to accommodate where we meet because "it's too far" for them or they "cannot be bothered" to use public transport, even if it's a short distance
    via No_Director_2992
  • - Endless excuses why something cannot be done, followed by a cancellation. "It's raining" (do you not have an umbrella?), I have to cook for my partner" (as if he's a
    via No_Director_2992
  • child who cannot fix his own plate if needed), "my hurt" (ok, I made up the last one but they are as silly as they come) \- Never asking how I am. first and always using the
    via No_Director_2992
  • excuse of "I'm busy". I'm busy too but somehow I manage to find the time once in a while to text and check in? \- Having childish preoccupation with their
    via No_Director_2992
  • own schedules. "I have to be in bed by 9pm". So if you go to bed two hours later you will di ? Also, are you 5 years old where you cannot deviate from your routine once every few
    via No_Director_2992
  • man lying on bed
    via Tania Mousinho

    One of her friends having an early night

    Representation

  • weeks/months? In a years time you won't miss not being in bed by a certain. time but have memories and pictures from a night out with your mates! Is that so hard to comprehend?
    via No_Director_2992
  • \- Zero helping out in times. of genuine need and treating everything as a massive inconvenience. I needed somebody to cat sit my pet, and one of my friends who works from
    via No_Director_2992
  • home and loves cats said it would be "a hassle". For her it's a hassle, for me it's shelling out hundreds of pounds for a cat sitter just so I can go on a holiday and my cat stays alive.
    via No_Director_2992
  • white cat eating from bowl
    via Sincerely Media

    The poor cat without a sitter

    Illustrative image

  • I'm not looking to get new friends because these are my people regardless and making new friends is not exactly that easy, especially in my 30s. But what the actual heck? I'd anybody experiencing anything similar?
    via No_Director_2992
  • AlarmingExample117 Make new friends. Put your effort only into people that reciprocate.
    via AlarmingExample1179
  • Affectionate-Flow120 Hahaha this is an epidemic. Older but I have friends ranging from late 20s thru near 50s and majority are exactly this but most the ones in their 30s. They only reach out to be nosey. De prioritize
    via Affectionate-Flow120

  • I think we should stop ageism now; really, we can’t approach making friends, or anything at all, saying that it’s hard because we are a certain age (especially if that age is thirty). Thirty is young! If we keep going for things we like, hobbies and fun activities, we will meet people by default! At any age. Whatever happened to having an interesting life and not letting age dictate your activities (or lack thereof)? Are we supposed to only sleep and go to work after we turn 29?

    I’d suggest OP ditch that old worldview and go find people who are still actively looking to share their lives with friends and can make time for them on their busy schedules.

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Tags

relationship advice relationships toxic relationship relationship drama friendship friends
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